The concept is an interesting in that it offers Catholics the opportunity to be polytheistic without going to Hell. This concept likely appealed to the Romans and Greeks of the day when they were upset that Poseidon drowned their favorite sheep but weren’t ready to give up control of their lives to a single deity.
It’s also attractive in that, though many apply to professions, you can choose which Patron Saint to whom you can devout your life and drachma. Also worth noting, the majority of the Patrons serve the downtrodden, unlucky, and unfortunate. It’s likely the followers of the Patron Saint of I’m-Better-Than-You would not be thought highly of by The Big Man.
I actually have a Patron, but I decided to do some research for purely historical purposes. The results were surprising, hilarious, and disturbing… Feel free to support one of these saintly beings…
After further inspection, I came to the conclusion that many of these Patron Saints have their roots in Spanish and Mexican religious ceremonies. This offered up a different perspective, and I decided to come up with modern equivalents. And, since Hispanics are light-weight drunkards, I give you the Patrón Saints! …Ya see what I did there?
St. Jose – St Jose is the Patrón Saint of worms, blackouts and misplaced clothing. He is honored during siesta time between 1-4 PM every day. Often, he is depicted identically as St. Christopher, except carrying a TV instead of baby Jesus.
St. Jack – The Patrón Saint of huntin’ and cousin-kissin’, reverence of St. Jack has ebbed considerably in the face of rising NASCAR ratings. In his place, notable upswings have been apparent in offerings to St. Natty Light. Still, St. Jack has loyal followers in remote areas where churches devoted to him share a Walmart aisle with shotguns and various tobacco products.
St. Morgan – St. Morgan is the Patrón Saint of pirates and uncomfortable body poses that make you look like a douche. He has numerous followers in the Caribbean and South America, and the numbers continue to grow as his devotees channel efforts into Super Bowl commercials. Critics point out that he hasn’t been promoted past Captain for 66 years.
And, there you have it, a subset of Patron Saints along with better-known and (most-likely) more closely-followed Patrón Saints. All will humble you and expose your weakness. Yet, all will help you rise up and overcome. Be it to the Gods of Heaven or the Gods of Porcelain, keep those prayers coming folks.